A Word to the Wise
This section features exerpts, articles and small portions of books and other resources from Dr. Pollock.
Please enjoy this recent feature:
The 6 Aspects of a Joyful Marriage
Outside of our relationship with the Lord, God designed marriage to be the number one priority in our lives. It is even closer than the biological connection of a mother and her child. As wonderful as it is to focus on your children, the most precious of all relationships is marriage!
Marriage Life Principle - Our Spouse Is to Be Our Number One Earthly Priority.
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” Proverbs 12:4
1. A Good Marriage is a Place of Sanctity and Honor
A virtuous woman (or man) is a crown. A “crown” suggests a throne. A “crown” suggests a kingdom. When you are blessed with a good mate, you will be as happy as though you were a king or queen. You might get beat down in this world, but when the long day is done and you step wearily into your home, you are royalty! Receiving respect, honor and love then is a crown.
A practical example of this would be when a mate speaks in a respectful, honoring tone. It is a fact that while men and women are profoundly different, all of us appreciate receiving respect and honor!
2. Attitudes and Actions Are Either a Public Rebuke or Praise
“...a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband.” (Proverbs 12:4)
We are either a crown or a crumb! A crown doesn’t make a person a king. A crown is just a symbol of something. It is a sign, that a great honor has taken place.
Our attitudes are crowns. They can become a reflection of who my mate is. When my attitude is sour then I am saying publicly, my mate is sour.
When an attitude is moody, grumpy and crabby, it is a public rebuke to our mate that they are not meeting our needs. A crown is a visible symbol – it is the thing that everybody sees first. When you see a person with this beautiful crown, your eyes are drawn to the crown. Our tone, our choice of words, our facial expressions are all “crowns.” We represent our mate – therefore we should be a positive reflection.
3. Strong Christians Make for Strong Marriages
“A virtuous woman is a crown...” (Proverbs 12:4)
Proverbs 12:4 states that crowns belong to virtuous people. Notice the integrity…the moral fiber of this man and woman – they are people of virtue! In their personal world they walk with God. They have a time of
praise to God…a time in the Word and they worship God consistently. We have a responsibility to be close to God for our mate’s sake. My mate needs a spiritual husband or wife.
I am convinced that if we are having marital issues, the first and most important thing to do is to get spiritual. Two spiritual people have a greater possibility of working things out than one carnal and one spiritual (or both carnal).
4. There is a One Woman, One Man Commitment
“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4)
To be my mate’s joy and crown there must be a one man to one woman commitment. It clearly states that a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband, not another woman’s husband. It’s his wife. His eyes are only for her. A woman’s heart is only for her husband. Where is your heart? Does your friend have your heart or your husband? Does your mom still have your heart or have you given it to your wife? Is your heart with someone at work or home?
Barbara Bush, the former first lady, gave a commencement address at Wellesley College. In her speech she said some powerful words about marriage, “As important as your obligation is as a doctor, a lawyer or a business leader, your human connections with your spouse, your children and your friends are the most important investment you will ever make. At the end of your life you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal, but you will regret time not spent with your spouse...” May God give us a dogged commitment to our mate.
5. Each is Supportive of Each Other’s Roles
If I am going to do marriage wisdom’s way, I am going to be supportive of the roles of a husband and wife. You cannot read Proverbs 12:4 without realizing there are some definite roles that are defined. In this verse, the husband is depicted as the head, and the wife as the crown. A crown can’t function unless there is a head. A head just doesn’t have the same influence without a crown. The husband willingly assumes the role of spiritual leader. In 1 Peter 5:2, Peter reminds aspiring pastors that they should “take” the oversight. Don’t just sit there and twiddle your thumbs, take it!
Husbands, you ought to tell your family what time Family Bible is, you ought to help your children have a schedule that will assist them in having a godly life, you ought to make sure there is a time for dinner where everyone sits down together, you ought to make sure that there is Christ honoring music in the home. If you will “take” the leadership, your wife will follow.
Now, sweet sister, you should support your husband cheerfully. Trust God to work on his heart. Reject an independent spirit. Get behind him…be his cheerleader and then watch God do mighty things through your humility! Trust God with your heart. Trust God with your future. Trust God with your hurts.
6. Avoid an Unholy Life
“...she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4)
The sinful, unbiblical life of your mate is as miserable as it gets. In fact, God states in this verse that such a marriage is like cancer (rottenness)! We know that the marrow of the bone is that which supports disease-fighting capabilities. Once disease “rots” the bone, the treatment options are limited and can be painful and invasive. This is a sobering illustration when applied to a marriage relationship.
There Are Four Unholy Influences That Destroy a Happy Marriage:
First, a Worldly Spirit – When a husband or wife gets captured by carnality like social drinking it affects so many areas.
Second, Slothfulness – Having a lazy spirit. Laziness is not usually isolated to one area of a person’s life and it doesn’t just affect that person only. When a husband or wife is slothful in the area of their appearance, for example, it can foster a deep unhappiness.
Third, Extravagances - Materialism kills the spirit of our mate. When we ruin the financial peace of our home by credit card spending or increasing our debt load for stuff, it is disheartening to our spouse.
Fourth, Lust – This is just a gut punch to a marriage. There is nothing more betraying then to find out that our mate has been unfaithful. Whether it is emotional or actual, cheating is a terrible disservice to do to the one who has given their life to serve and to be our companion.
The well-known African American Pastor, Dr. E.V. Hill of central Los Angeles was caught up in the midst of incredible racial tension. Even though he was a voice for righteousness, calm and reconciliation he got a threatening call saying that he would be killed if he didn’t stop! He realized enough to know this was no idle threat. The people who called said they would bomb his car if he didn’t quit. The very next day he went outside and noticed his car wasn’t there. Just then he saw his wife driving up in the car. He ran out to her and cried out, “what are you doing?” She looked him in the eye and said, “Honey, I wanted to make sure that there was no bomb in this car that would explode on you.” That is a crown! May God help us to be a crown and a joy to our mate.